How to Pet a Cat

This book is a humorous picture book about how to pet the most pickiest of cats. This story was inspired by the author’s cat, Mochi, who is by far the naughtiest and most ornery cat to have ever set foot on Earth. She is also graced with one of the most fluffy and softest coats of all time. But, she HATES to be pet. This book is for all the families who have spicy cats and choose to love them anyways.

Full Text:

This is Mochi. 

She is the softest, most fluffiest cat EVER. 

But if you try to pet her… prepare yourself. 

Mochi is NOT messing around. 

She is soft on the outside…

But cold as ice on the inside…

You may pet her back. 

But only for three seconds… 

Four seconds is TOO LONG!

Head pats are tolerated. 

But only once or twice.

Three times is TOO MUCH!!

Although her tail is floofy and majestic,

It is NOT for petting. 

But she will happily flaunt the fluffiness,

just to tease you. 

Her cheeks are okay for scritches, (no pats!)

but only on Wednesdays. 

She might rub against your legs…

It is a trap.

A rookie mistake, for feet are her mortal enemies. 

She may roll over invitingly, her tummy perfectly available. 

But do not touch….

It’s an AMBUSH!!

Now, Mochi is not all violence. She likes a good nap in your lap. 

But if you move… even an inch….

she’s gone! How DARE you…

Now, if you REALLY want to pet Mochi, 

this is what you do. 

Let her sniff your hand. 

NO STINKY HANDS! Under any circumstances. 

If she turns away, not today. 

But a head butt… you’re in luck!

A soft, slow pet is the key here. 

A fast pet is WAY TOO SUSPICIOUS. 

Although it may seem like Mochi is a meanie. 

She really does love us. Just from afar. 

Now one day you may be tempted…

To sneak a pet while she’s sound asleep…

But something you should know about Mochi, 

Is she ALWAYS sleeps with one eye open.